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As an owner of a BlackBerry 8700r device, I will briefly describe how these devices can kill you. The BlackBerry device allows you to conduct business outside of the office, and keep you connected to your important e-mails and messaging. I decided to exercise this valuable feature today by taking a walk on a local trail. As I was casually strolling down a small gravel path near a creek paying most of my attention to my BlackBerry where I was writing memos, something caught the corner of my eye. What was this, you ask? Two baby black bears. I stopped and looked at them crossing the path in front of me at a distance of approximately 12 feet. As I watched this, I experienced a nervous thought, “I wonder where the mother is.” Well, my curiosity was answered as the mother black bear emerged from the bushes onto the path in front of me. At this point I thought it was pretty cool seeing this. That feeling came to an end as the mother bear stopped dead in her tracks and turned toward me. I slid the BlackBerry into my pocket and stared my impending doom in the eyes, completely ignoring the fact that staring a bear in the eyes is pretty stupid. As a response to my mistaken challenge toward the bear, the mother made a noise and stood up. The scene almost played out like an old western, except instead of two cowboys it was a computer programmer and a huge goddamn bear. My hand still ready at my side where I had just put my BlackBerry. I queue up the theme to “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” in my mind and witness a tumbleweed blow past. My eyes tighten and I slowly lower my stance. The bear stands there, drooling. I was at wit’s end with the wild beast. One of us had to make our move. And so it happened… I backed off. The behemoth of fur and terror that was the bear did the same.

This is how I live yet another day to write more e-mails and record more memos.